Making the Passage

Mom had always been the one who always took care of my sisters and I growing up and through all  the sport injuries and reckless meanderings of our childhood adventures she was knowledgeable as to how to put us "back together again". Now here we were, my sisters and I now in our 50s and our precious Mother is going to die soon. We can't "fix" her like she had always been able to do in our younger lives. We all felt quite helpless but vowed to do our best. One day feeling very overwhelmed from the long days and sometimes nights of not real sound sleep our  Mothers Hospice Nurse mentioned that we might benefit from the presence of an End of Life Doula to help support us during this time at  Moms near end of life. She educated us about the significance an End of Life Doula can bring into this space and  time to make Mom more relaxed around her death approaching and support us as we provided her care until she would pass. My sisters and I talked about it and agreed we would try having one for the remainder of Moms time here. Did we ever make the right choice! Doris not only brought  peace and calm into the room but a sure strength of presence and apparent comfortability with the approaching death of our Mother. Mom was very comfortable talking with her as she kept time  at the bedside which freed my sisters and I to do the essential daily tasks of keeping the household together at this painful time for us. She was very clearly aware of the process and would voice changes we should be aware of in my Mothers dying process so we knew when things were changing up for Mom. As the time drew closer to the final days all three of us, Moms "Kids" were very glad and relieved we had brought an End of Life Doula on the scene. Moms passage was truly as best it could be for her as was very apparent for us to witness and we were able to better support our dear Mother because someone was there who knew how to support us all.  Thank you Doris!

Dad did not do well with human weakness of any kind my entire childhood. I knew him as a Father with very high standards of himself and everyone else in our home and in life in general. His motto was ,"Good! Better! Best! Never let it rest... until your good is better and your better best!" Hard one to measure up to sometimes as a child. When he found out his Colon Cancer was no longer treatable he withdrew from life and all of us...his family. My Mom had passed several years earlier and my sister and I had not been around much since because we weren't invited or our presence desired by Dad the past couple years since. Dad allowed professional caregivers only to attend his home and physical needs as essential only. One caregiver suggested to my Father an End of Life Doula might be someone he could talk to about his wishes as to how he wanted the details of his last few months to be. He protested and didn't appreciate the idea at all but would't talk to my sister or myself about any of his end of life plans or wishes. One night he saw a Documentary on TV about Death Doula and their role in the lives of terminally ill people. One day he said to the caregiver he would like to meet one. He had allowed my sister and I to find an End of Life Doula and so came Doris into my Dads home. At first he didn't have much to say to her but became more talkative as time passed and she was able to converse with him about his past history and his passion in life which  was boating. Over time he also allowed my sister and I to join in conversation around what he wanted his end of life choices to be around burial and memorial. I don't know if this would have ever transpired had it not been for Doris helping my Father to open the door on this very private and vulnerable part of my Father. His end days were comfortable with Hospice care and we all even had a few dinners together that last month and shared enjoyable childhood memories of the boating days as a family. Peaceful Passing it was!

Had I only know earlier on in my daughters end of life period, that there was such a person as and End of Life Doula I would have contacted one much sooner than I did.  Once I had Doris come into our home to support me and my husband in the care of our 32 year old daughter Karen who was dying of an untreatable Brain tumor, it seemed the tremendous load  actually became lighter and not as severe as it had been. She brought with her a calm spirit and was very reassuring to us both that we were doing an excellent job of caring for our precious daughter. We needed the encouragement so  very  because we felt so very unqualified to be caregivers at such a time as this. An End of Life Doula was exactly what we needed to get us through Karens passing and wth the education we received on the actual "Active Dying Process", we were more comfortable in our care of her for those last couple weeks and days leading to the final Passage.